My eyes are so swollen from all that crying I did last night. God give me peace, love and direction over my life.
Ommmm. I’m feeling so good this morning!
I felt compelled to write you a letter. In fact, I’ve had this feeling for some time; at least since September, but it seems as though I never got around to it until today. Many circumstances have pushed me to do this, perhaps to tell my side of the story. However, a wise woman told me that I would make myself blue in the face by trying to redeem myself in a trial where I have already been convicted. It is funny how your opinion of me was made prior to you hearing any word from my very own mouth. I remember in June of this year (2013) when you told me that you weren’t a judgmental person. You looked me in my eyes and gave me a prolonged embrace. I believed you, but it turns out that now (in this month of November) that it wasn’t the case. In fact, I’ve been judged all along and the crazy thing is that I haven’t had a conversation with you since August.
My concern is how can I be judged by a person that DOES NOT know who I am? It seems as though I am being judged by events that occurred in the past. I know that mothers favor their own children over other people’s children. So I knew that any conflict or strife that myself and your sons were involved in was AUTOMATICALLY considered as my fault. It didn’t matter that I never raised my voice nor cussed someone out in public like one of your children did to me. All that matters to you is that I was involved and you children couldn’t possibly be the culprits. It is necessary for us, as people, to analyze both sides before we condemn one side. And even if we do analyze, GOD did not give us the right to condemn or judge other people because WE ARE ALL HUMAN.
Remember that verse, “let he who is without sin cast the first stone?” I’m no angel, so I do not judge others. But in the case of me and your family, I’ve been battered by stones left and right. However, I have received several chances to throw judgment your way in December 2012 after you cussed out my mother and told me that I wasn’t welcome at your house. Please let’s keep in mind that this happened a month after I met you! God tested me by opening up an avenue for me to judge you, but I refused. Instead I apologized (even though I wasn’t at fault) and sent you a birthday card filled with my condolences.
I could have judged the father of two of your sons, but I decided not to. Instead I learned more about whom he is and embraced his shortcomings. I prayed to God for his mental strength. I prayed for your health. I prayed for your children. Every night. I babysat your granddaughters and even made dinner for them. I washed your dishes and mopped your white tile floors. I raked the dead magnolia leaves that littered your backyard into one big pile. I made rows for vegetable gardens. I planted mango seeds. I washed puppies under the cool water streaming from a kinked up and contorted garden hose. At college, I made food for your sons, I wrote and edited papers, filled up gas tanks; I mentored, listened and helped the youngest one. I ensured that he wouldn’t have to fall victim to the “freshman trap” at your alma mater and my soon-to-be alma mater. And I could go on and on about what I did, but I prefer not to. I only want you to get an idea of what I do simply because of the love that invigorates my heart.
I know that you think that the money you give your sons is used to help me, but that’s not the case. I have a job and I have my own money. If anything, your sons are the main ones who come and ask me for money. And if I have it, I give it because I was not raised to be a selfish person. But I was raised to put my foot down if someone is taking advantage of my generosity. That is exactly what I had to do with your second son and the spaghetti situation.
Anyway…I embraced the concept that we are all human before I decided to embark on a relationship with your youngest son. My mind refused to judge him because of his dyslexia, polycystic kidney disease and the fact that I am a bit taller than him - none of that mattered. If I made his imperfections a big deal, then I would have missed out on so many beautiful experiences I would have never known if I did not give him a chance. I never judged your son, NEVER! Instead I learned about him to the point where I saw his imperfections as super powers that will enable him to knock down every obstacle in his path to success.
Peace, blessings and overstanding,